Our lives are filled with contradictions. We believe all kinds of things, and use those beliefs to justify our standards and actions. But usually we won’t apply those beliefs to every situation or aspect of our lives. Just the ones we feel comfortable with.

Sometimes we even believe things that are contradictory in themselves. Beliefs that can’t both be true, but that make us feel better. We just refuse to face the logical conclusion of those beliefs. Why? Because then we might have to change, or accept a truth we don’t like.

I fully understand this mindset, because I do it myself nearly everyday. It’s something we all do. We don’t think about the contradictions in our beliefs. Because as long as we don’t think about them, we don’t have to confront those contradictions.

But what happens when you are forced to confront that contradiction? Do you examine the beliefs and resolve the contradictions? That is what we should do, but most of us rarely do that.

Most of us go on the defensive. We like our contradictory beliefs, and we want to hold on to them. We start avoiding the person or situation that is forcing that confrontation. We do our best to hide from it because as long as we hide from it we don’t have to deal with it. We stick our heads in the sand and pretend not to notice things we would rather not notice.

Other times, we go into attack mode. We demonize the thing that causes the confrontation. If the person, organization, or situation can be painted as evil, then we can justify avoidance. So we discredit the thing that is causing the confrontation. We don’t deal with the contradiction, we attack whatever is bringing that contradiction to light.

Too often I fall into the avoid or attack patterns when I’m forced to confront a contradiction in my life. Most of the time I don’t even realize I’ve fallen into one of those patterns. I’m so used to it that the response is almost instinctive.

When I started to write this, I was going to give some examples of contradictions I’ve found in my own life. But I don’t think I will. I don’t want to be the thing that forces a confrontation of your beliefs. Mainly I don’t want to invoke one of the responses I mentioned in this post. I’d rather you just thought about contradictions on your own.

That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to try to find and deal with the contradictions in my life now. Rather than waiting for a confrontation. And I’m going to try to keep in mind my tendency to avoid or attack when I am confronted. Hopefully I can do better at this than I have in the past.

What is tolerance? Am I tolerant of other peoples beliefs? These are questions that have been running through my head since I had a disturbing conversation with a friend of mine. She accused me of being intolerant because I told her that I believed her belief system was wrong. The accusation caught me completely by surprise.
To understand why I was so surprised, I need to give you a little background about myself and about the conversation we were having. I’m an extremely non-confrontational person. So unless I know the person very well, I avoid having conversations with people about religion, politics, and belief systems. I avoid them like the plague. I have definite opinions and beliefs, but am much happier agreeing to disagree with someone than I am arguing them with. If I think that voicing my beliefs to a person will cause conflict, I usually just stay quiet.

So back to this particular person who thinks I am intolerant. I’ve known this person for several years. She has a rather forceful personality and is just about the opposite from me when it comes to conflict and voicing her opinions. So needless to say, I’ve known almost as long as I’ve known her, that her opinions and beliefs were strongly in conflict with mine.

Anyway, she and a few other people were having a discussion about the existence of God and hell. Everyone present, including her, knows that I’m a Christian. But I was mostly keeping out of the discussion. Unfortunately this time, I was not allowed to keep out of it. She started pressing me about whether I believed non-Christians would really go to hell. I didn’t really want to tell her yes, because I knew that would upset her. So I tried to deflect the question, but she wouldn’t let me. So I finally told her that yes I did believe that. She then said the following, “Well I don’t believe that. Are you saying you think I’m wrong?” Since I had already put myself into hot water with her, I figured I might as well go all the way. So I told her that yes, I thought that her belief was wrong. That is when I she accused me of being intolerant of her beliefs.

So back to my original question. What is tolerance? And am I intolerant?
Well, I don’t really think I’m “intolerant.” I strongly believe that everyone has the right to believe what they want to believe. I don’t think anyone should, or even can, be forced to believe in something that is contrary to what they “believe.” I have no problem accepting people who believe differently from me, as evidenced by the fact that I’ve been friends with this person for several years. So why did she tell me that I’m intolerant?

I think it is because she, and much of our current culture, has redefined the meaning of tolerance. Tolerance to me means that I put up with and “tolerate” beliefs I don’t like, and that I think are wrong. In her mind that isn’t true tolerance. She has equated tolerance of beliefs with acceptance and equality of beliefs. In her mind, in order for me to tolerate her beliefs, I must also accept that they are equally as correct as mine. Which is impossible. Since they are contradictory, they cannot both be right. One or the other must be wrong.

I personally am incapable of taking that strange middle ground that she wants me to. A place where somehow both views are right at the same time. I simply can’t do that. I either need to abandon my belief and take hers, or I need to believe that her belief is wrong. One or the other is wrong. I’ve taken the position that her belief is wrong, but I’ve also taken the position that she has the right to be wrong. Does that make me intolerant?